thoughts about things

Have you heard of the form of dieting where you keep a journal of what you eat?

The act of noting everything you put into your mouth makes one more aware of what previously might have been an automatic habit.

I’ve started doing the same for external input from the world. Namely with devices like my laptop and iPhone, as they provide access to multiple output/inputs… Television programs, podcasts, video’s of all sorts on any topic, social networks, shiny things… The lot¹.

At the moment it’s more a mental check, which is much more likely to fade into the ether, whereas if I write down what I am about to do (eg. check my Facebook stream) or even speak it out aloud, it’s a much more conscious action to then go ahead and log onto Facebook.

Another thing I’ve thought about is asking why I’m doing something like checking Facebook.

Usually it’s just because I’ve finished checking every other social network I’ve signed up to - Facebook is my last resort. :P And the reason I go on a social network checking-spree usually comes down to the fact that I’m not busy enough doing something useful, creative or fun, and I’m feeling lonely or disconnected from humans, and I want to see if I’ve received any virtual love, appreciation or validation, be it in the form of “likes” on Tumblr, Facebook or Vimeo, or a nice email from a friend in my inbox.

Speaking out loud the reason for my love-seeking-action helps. It draws it out of my brain as a swirling transparent idea hiding in the shadows, and sets it out in front of me and my subconscious in concrete. It names it. It makes it “real”. It can then be dealt with.

A non-tech related example of where this worked for me was yesterday, was when I was driving home from work.

I was coming up to a nice little organic shop and had the desire to buy some organic chocolate. I feel much better about myself when eating this, rather than typical off-the-shelf rubbish - it’s organic! How can I go wrong! It’s pretty much good for me. Just look at that awesomely sexy, down-to-earth packaging.

So I took the opportunity to ask myself why I actually wanted to buy chocolate. I knew didn’t need it. I know it isn’t “good” for me. And it’s certainly not something I would want to eat if I was hungry. So why?

Pretty much ‘cause I wasn’t feeling satisfied with life at that moment. I wasn’t happy. And I wanted that moment of food pleasure to bring me the happiness I desired. I knew it wouldn’t last long, but at least I’d have that fleeting moment to enjoy…

After saying this out loud to myself in my car, my craving to pull over and buy chocolate disappeared!

“Oh shit!” I thought. “No more desire for chocolate… No sweet yummy food thing for me tonight”. Buuuut then I let my ego take over and pulled over anyway (totally against the better judgement of my inner-voice/intuition/God/Me), and purchased a block of chocolate, some fruit straps and some carob coated licorice. ‘Cause I saw them and they looked like something I might want to eat.

They all tasted gross (unfortunately) and I was taught an appropriate lesson. :P

I still keep succumbing to the idea of purchasing and eating “wonderful” (moment-only)² food.

The level to which the food is removed from its natural and original state is proportional to the shitty feeling that lingers in my body after eating it.

Oops - just realised I should say this out loud, too. :)

Are you in a relationship/married? Do you want to be? Do you have attractions to others even though you are in a relationship? What attracts you - physical or emotional?

(via ask.fm)

Currently I’m not in a relationship. Largely via choice at the moment. As much as I laugh at people who claim that. :P Let’s just say that I’ve not being pursuing a relationship and have been of the mindset that I want to focus on my own life for a while (and not put energy into a relationship yet).

When I have been in a relationship, I have absolutely had attractions to others. No doubt about it. For me, attraction doesn’t change just because I’m in a relationship. It just means that I don’t pursue anything with that attractive person. :P

In fact one thing that I love having as part of a relationship is a mutual appreciation for beauty and being able to discuss that (my) passion. That includes commenting on hot chicks AND hot guys.

But back to the question of whether or not I want to be in a relationship… I said I don’t, but if the ‘perfect’ person for me dropped out of the sky and onto my lap… Well, I guess I’d say that if they’re right for me, then I’d still be able to pursue my goals, and ideally they’d inspire me towards those goals and greater heights… 

To be honest, after I ended my last relationship, I thought that I’d like my next relationship to be ‘the one’. ‘Cause I didn’t want to go through that emotional turmoil again. Which is a totally reasonable thing for anyone to think and say, I reckon. :)

But I know that to expect my next relationship to be ‘the one’ is to be perhaps a little to prescriptive. And so say that there is ‘the one’ is also a little fairy-tale-like (people get happily re-married all the time) BUT, at the same time, I’m a big believer in manifesting what you want in your life, so it’s also not out of the realm of possibility. I just want to be sure that when I do decide it’s relationship time (if I get a choice :P ), that I’m fully conscious about who I draw into my life. :D If that’s a bit weird, that’s okay. I know what I mean. 

I definitely get criticised by family and close friends for being ‘too picky’… But I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to have a clear vision of what one wants. I’ll certainly smile when they meet this person.. 

You ever heard of writing down a list of what qualities etc, you want from partner? I think friends have mistaken such a list to be a check-list that one compares everyone they meet, to. The idea is more about attracting someone with those qualities into ones life, rather than wading through thousands of people to find that person.

I know that I don’t just wanna ‘settle’ out of fear of being lonely. THAT to me, is not a good idea. :)

I find it a little amusing/sad that many people put so much emphasis on ‘having a partner’. It seems like a mandatory goal for all citizens! And to not have a partner by a certain age… Especially for those ladies… Well! Better go to the doctor and see what’s wrong with you! You mean you’re not married yet? Ooooo…. Hmm. Well! I’ll help you find a good man! I know this guy Dave - he’s a butcher. He’s not married, either. You’ll hit it off great.

Everyone is so afraid of being ‘lonely’.

Do these same people need a partner to be ‘happy’?

I’d be more concerned about being in a relationship with someone who is lonely without a partner… ‘Cause then you’re it! They rely on your existence close to their proximity! And if you’re not there, your partner feels lonely. And probably sad. It’s just like this Staffie that I’ve been looking after! It couldn’t be happy on its own for any amount of time, unless it was shitting or eating.

I’ll take one of your healthy independent human beings, please…

One final thing that may seem odd, after that last little rant? I’m also conscious of the fact that I don’t want to be too old by the time I have kiddies. How old is too old? Mmm… I’m sure it’ll shift, the older I get. :P

What attracts me - physical or emotional?

Well both. If I received an email from someone I couldn’t know of their physical attraction but might be attracted to the personality they present to me, and vice-versa, if I saw someone walking down the street but didn’t talk to them…

What I will say, though, is that I’ve come to realise that my opinions of people’s attractiveness - in-person - is largely swayed by their ‘state of being’ at the time.

I’ve met the same person on two different occasions in two different settings and found them to be profoundly different… I’ll give examples of what I mean…

Met a chick at a party who was with her boyfriend… She seemed unhappy, perhaps tired and bored… I didn’t find her attractive at all. Months later this same girl was working where I was dining and she was a totally different person! She was radiating happiness and was so different from when last I saw her.

I don’t actually find her physically attractive, but I really do respond to someone’s essence, or aura - whatever you want to call it.

I love love love meeting people who to me, just ‘glow’. They’re wonderful spirits. 

When I was 13-years-old, a girl friend of mine asked if she thought her friend was hot… I looked at her and was thinking ‘Nooo… No she is not’. Fast forward a few years and she was known to me and many others as a complete hottie. It just so happened that at the time I was asked she looked so unhappy, and therefore to me, rather ‘unattractive’. 

So how someone is feeling and what they are radiating makes a big impact on my initial impression.

daniel jackson….jack daniels…hahaha…much better :p if you knew what day you were going to die would you change your lifestyle..? do things that you never did before? would you tell people your dying or not?

(via ask.fm)

Hmm! I’d probably have to make a concerted effort to not be in a continual panicky and worried state of mind, given I new exactly when I was going to die…

Funnily enough, I’d probably do what I’m currently doing (writing, performing) but just with a more concentrated effort. Having a DEADline (haha) always helps me get stuff done.

It also depends how soon from now I was dying. If it was within the year, I’d probably go and see all the natural and man-made ‘wonders’ of the world (grand canyon, pyramids, stone-henge etc..). I’d also stop working and live off my savings for the rest of the year if I could.

I’d learn to ride a motorbike. I’d go rock-climbing and abseiling in some beautiful outdoor places. I’d go hang gliding. And if I was feeling really bloody crazy I’d learn to base jump, then fly in one of those wing-suits. I’d learn to ski properly and have some fun with that, too.

Nearer the end, I’d tell everyone I love that I love them (I’m more talking about friends of mine that I wouldn’t normally say this to), even if it fucks up our relationship ‘cause they feel awkward about that, or they feel it changes how we relate to each other, etc..

I’d “go on dates” with more peoples, even though I feel a bit icky about that phrase. “Going on a date!”

And yes, I would tell people (not the people I’m on dates with, though - unless the date turned into a relationship). Scarcity of anything makes it more precious for humans, especially life. So telling people, I think, would make my last days all the more sacred.

How’d I do? :P

This random question from possibly a stranger comes at a pretty poignant time for me… Though I think having it asked any time over the past 5 years, it would be timely.

Thanks. :)